point of no return continues...

It's the fourth day! I went to the office earlier than usual because I have like four or five pending companies that's supposed to be done by today. I guess I've been putting off too much work. My one company a day policy seems to be taking a toll on me.

So there I was, at 10 am, already working. It wasn't until 2pm today that some of my officemates and I had an "executive session" of some sort. We talked about our friends resigning. There I found out that most, if not all, of my ka-batch sa office are also planning on resigning. HaAy... Point of no return na talaga. I have to make a final decision and I have to make it fast. I don't want to be left out and eventually rott in where I am now. I do have dreams you know. I don't want to see them five years from now, successful and all, and me wondering why I'm not like them. Not even close. I don't want to think about the possibility of me actually saying... "If only I did the same thing..."

Why can't I make a decision anyway? I guess Chay was right when she said that the longer you stay, the more you'll get scared of leaving. I have to admit that I'm scared of what lies ahead of me. Scared to go out of my comfort zone. But if I continue being like that, being afraid, nothing's gonna happen to me. If I don't take the risk now, when will I find the courage to leave?

Fortunately, I do have something to look forward to this weekend and possibly divert my attention from all this, or better yet... help me make a decision. Looking forward to my weekend in Cavite. Haven't been there for quite sometime. I needed a retreat... BADLY!

point of no return III

Day three of my frustrating week. Just found out today that my other friend will possibly sign a contract with another company today. She said that she's not yet sure and that she'll just be looking at the offer and would buy sometime to think about it before she actually signs. But I'm sure she'll leave around January. Again, this made me even more frustrated.

Also earlier today, I talked to another officemate of mine. I was inviting him to come with us when we go to Batanes next March. But he said that he's not even sure if he's still here around that time... something to that effect. So I asked him if he's also resigning. And from what I got, I think there's a big possibility that he would. He's going to Singapore early next year and I think he'll also be looking for a job there. How do I know? I'll also be doing the same thing. Takes one to know one, right?

And what's with all the paranoia? You wouldn't believe the atmosphere that we have in the office right now. It's kind of like we are under constant surveillance. Feels like there's a CCTV camera somewhere in front of us watching our every move -although we do have that camera around. It's just that it feels like your every move is being watched. *Sigh* Are they afraid that there'll be a mass resignation? Well, I would if I were them. Cause it's not unlikely to happen. So, isn't now the time to think about solutions to prevent such thing from happening?

point of no return II

This really sucks! I swear! Yesterday I was so frustrated because of a colleague leaving the company. And today, I got even more frustrated because another officemate of mine is leaving as well. But she hasn't signed any contract yet but she said she'll leave around January. Damn! Naunahan na talaga ako. And to think that I was the first one to tell them that I'll soon be leaving the company. Just waiting for that bonus this coming February. I just hope that its worth the looong wait. I've been fighting the urge to resign since July because I wanted to receive that friggin' performance bonus because I worked hard for it. I just hope that it's big enough to compensate for all those losses.

But then again, it's four more months till February and a lot can happen in those four months. Maybe... just maybe... I won't be able to wait that long.

update as of 8:00 pm:

DVD Box Set

On a much lighter note, I finally got my very own copy of Super Junior's Super Show Concert DVD. I couldn't wait to watch it this weekend. Anyway, I'll also be buying DBSK's Mirotic Album. Version A has a photobook and Version B has a DVD. I'm planning to buy both but I'll settle for the photobook for now as it may get sold out. My next buy would be Super Junior M's Me album and Super Junior's Singles. --I am such a fanatic!

Credits: YesAsia for the pix of the box set

point of no return

Just found out today that another one of my colleague is leaving our company. HaAy... it was only last August that one of my ka-batch sa company left because she was getting married. And just about two months after she left, another one of us is leaving. This time, it's not because she's getting married. It's more of a career growth kind of thing. At her soon to be new employer, she'll be able to make use of her college education. Which is always a good thing. I mean, you didn't go to college for nothing right? You didn't endure all those rigorous course requirements if you're not planning on making use of it... Those four years (sometimes five) in college should not be put to waste! She said the offer was good and if you'll be able to make use of your education, why not grab that opportunity? right? *Sigh* Is it a sign for me to really leave as well?

It was really unexpected. Left me in quite a daze for a while. I never really imagined that she'll be leaving. Truth be told, she's not one of the usual suspects that you'll expect to leave/resign from the company. Her name wouldn't come up if you asked the question: "who is most likely to leave the company?" So, when Pam YMed me earlier this afternoon about our friend leaving, I was really... shocked? No. amazed? Quite. depressed? Yeah. Actually, my first reaction was... "OMG! naunahan pa niya ako... Buti pa siya." I remembered that those were my actual reply to Pam's message.

It was never really 'entirely' about money. Because our job pays well as compared to other companies. It's just that, in life you'll have to think of other factors besides money. And that's where the never-ending 'career growth' comes in mind.

You do have to ask yourself if this is the path you want to take. Do I imagine myself being in this company in five years time? NO. Ten years? Hell, NO! Is there a possibility for career growth in this company? Uh... NO. Well, yes if people on top would resign which is very unlikely. So my advice for myself: don't count on it. Is there a possibility for me to get promoted? Yes. But come to think of it, it took me three years & counting to get promoted to being an SA. So, the hell with promotion! Some took only a year and a half to get promoted. And besides, I don't want to get promoted because of tenure. That doesn't really say anything about you at all. It just says you're: (A) loyal, (B) stupid enough to wait for a promotion that long, or (C) no other company wants to hire you, so you got stuck with this company. And after the promotion to an SA, what's next? ---Nothing.

Anyway, I was planning on leaving this company naman some time next year. So, no worries. Was just amazed that she'll leave first. I remember telling her that I plan to leave. That I do want to leave, and I remember her saying that she might leave first, which as any unsuspecting mind would think, was just a joke. Never really took that comment seriously. Imagine my regrets now.

We actually talked for a while today. And she made me realize so many things. One that really strucked me the most was that we are replaceable. Our kind of work doesn't really require any expertise of some sort. The things that we're doing now can be done by others as well. The only thing that separates as from the others is that we're seasoned analysts. In layman's term, we're older/we were here first -which sucks by the way! The difference of our work to theirs is that we review their work. Other than that, our knowledge of the subject matter is just about the same. I mean give them a few more years, even months, and they'll be as good as us. Hire someone new now and in just a year or two, she'll be doing the same thing that we were doing -maybe even better. and the thought of it really really sucks.

Another thing that we talked about was that, she doesn't want to reach the age of 40 then think about career development. I told her, at least for her it's 40, mine was at age 30. At that time, it'll be too late to think of a career change. Way too late.

And with those things in mind, I said to myself that it's really time for me to leave too. It's kind of a 'now or never' thing. And I know that if i don't leave now, I will regret it for sure. And that's one word that I really hate. Regrets. I don't want to reach 30 and think, why didn't I leave when i was young enough? hireable enough? knowledgeable enough? I really hate words such as What if's? and If only's... because they will haunt you and torment you from time to time for the rest of your life. And I don't want to experience that. So next year, i guess i'll be tendering my resignation too.