August 22.
The day I've got my heart broken again by the same person who broke it three years ago. This time, I knew it was the end. And that there was no hope left in ever rekindling what we had. On that day, he finally told me that he plans to get married again and is currently living with the mother of one of his children.
I knew I had no right to be sad about it because we have broken up long ago. But it still hurt so so much that I couldn't think of anything else and just cried. I cried at work, I cried on my way home. I cried while having dinner. And again, like the many nights before, I cried myself to sleep. I felt the same pain I felt when I found out I was being cheated on. The same pain I felt when I asked him to stay with me and he refused. The same pain I felt when I begged him to choose me and he didn't. And the same pain I felt when we had our closure and he apologized for doing me wrong.
A month has passed since I got the call. And to my surprise and utter relief, the pain didn't last for very long. Maybe it's because I already knew and finally accepted that we were over, and that I have already come to terms that someday this will happen. I guess you could say that my mind was already prepared for it. I thought it will take me longer to get over the pain, but as I am writing this now, I feel kind of weird that I could write this and be completely okay about it. I am no longer shedding tears over him and that my heart and mind is finally at peace. I could look back on the times that we spent together as memories I will cherish and that there's no anger or hatred in my heart. I could think of him fondly as someone who taught me valuable lessons in love and life rather than someone who broke my heart. I feel like I was finally free. And that after a very long time, I finally feel happy. Genuinely happy. Like I no longer have to pretend that I'm fine and I don't have to convince myself that I am over him. Because, I can say this now with much confidence, I AM OVER HIM.
I actually tried to reassess if what I am feeling is true and surprisingly, there were days that I no longer think about him. And that when I do think about him, I no longer felt the need to cry. Thinking about him no longer makes me sad. And I feel like that is the sign that I've already moved on. I'm glad that I could, once and for all, close this chapter of my life.
And I promise myself that before I give my heart again to someone else, I have to learn to love myself first.
XOXO.
