Down to my last two weeks.

Here in SG. :) 

A lot of people would probably think that I still have a lot of time to look for a job. I have two more weeks, and if my long-term visit pass gets an approval, I'll have a whole year to stay here in Singapore (legally) to continue looking for work. But you know what, I've already decided on it a few weeks ago. It was just around the same time the extension on my short-term visit pass got approved. I knew... I wanted to go HOME. 

It wasn't a very easy decision to make. Believe me. I've thought about it not a thousand but just a hundred times. It's just something that's been constantly on my mind. Coming up with this decision, I feel a little sad because I've traded security just to try my luck here. But more than anything else, I feel happy, relieved, and content. Happy because in a few weeks time, I'll be seeing my family once again. They play a big part on my decision to go back home. Since coming here in SG, I find myself missing their company a lot. And I thought that maybe being homesick is normal and that given a few more weeks i'll be able to adjust. But the feeling hasn't gone away. As time passes, I'm missing them more and more. So I'm actually excited to see my family again. 

I feel relieved because even though I wasn't lucky enough, at least my friend who came here with me has found her luck here. In a way, I actually feel responsible for her. Though I know it's her own decision to come with me, It was me who encouraged her in the first place. She left her job and tried her luck here, all in the promise that we have a place to stay and that looking for a new job would be easy. Imagine my guilt when we had to arrive here in SG with nowhere to go and that it took us more than a month without anyone calling us for an interview. So I've been praying a lot for her. I feel somehow guilty because since two weeks ago, I actually stopped applying for jobs because I've decided to just go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I no longer want to pursue a dream here. So I was waiting for her all along and just want to keep her company. That's why I actually didn't feel envious when she was the one to get the job that we both applied for. The feeling is actually a surprise for me cause normally, and I hate to admit this, I am a very competitive person. But at that time, I actually felt genuinely happy for her. Now I know that she's just not my classmate in high school but she's actually a friend I care so much about. And though we've had issues when we were here, in the end, I can say that we're indeed friends. 

I feel content because despite everything, this has been an enjoyable experience. It's been memorable and something that will be a life lesson for me. Even if I was not able to be successful here, at least I can say that I've tried. I've been able to visit a new country, visit its tourist destinations, eat its food, and meet old and new friends. I was also able to know more about this country's culture. All in all, its been a truly wonderful experience. In the end, I know that no matter what happens, I will never regret choosing to leave my job and look for better opportunities here. 

"On this day, God wants you to know... that it's time you let go. Yes, of course, you want to control so everything happens in just the way you want it. But at the end of the day, we control nothing. It's all in God's hands -has always been, and will always be. So, do what you can, and then let go, and let God handle the rest."

This was the message I got yesterday on one of the applications on FB and it's so fitting. This message addressed all my worries and concerns. And now I know that it's time for me to move forward... which for me means to go home. 

I'll be home... I'll be home soon! :)